Spiral Story - Rough Draft 1

Rough draft time. My goal at this stage is to get words on paper. For me that often means literally writing by hand in a notebook. Which often means its a draft zero as it gets revisions when I type it for the first time. This time I’ve drafted digitally so that you’ll see my real first draft.

I’m not paying attention to word count at this stage, just trying to hit all the beats/emotions I’ve put in my outline. If my outline is for a scene I might actually copy the scene description above each one, and then outline the scene briefly using the method described by Rachel Aaron in 2K to 10K. I also kept track of the ammount of time I spent writing, which did not include about half an hour of journaling beforehand.

[4:00pm 2025-9-23 started writing] [FYI: I use brackets to write myself notes in the story text that are easily searchable]

Employee - surprise/nerves (100 words)

• Blinking lights/lab environment
• Goodbye Charlie - removes memory stick and puts it in notebook.
• Secretary at the door. 
• Enter manager’s office. I won’t make this long. “You're Fired” 
• Escorted out by security
• Secretary hands him a box of his things. “Good Luck”

The lab’s lights flickered briefly as Edison watched the last of the program copy over to the memory stick. He looked into the tiny camera above his workstation, patted the side of the monitor. “Goodbye Charlie.” 

A red light blinked once. Copy finished.

He slipped the memory stick from the slot and put it down on the open notebook on his desk. 

The lab door opened without warning. The boss's secretary. Only one reason for her to be here in the lab. Everyone in the room looked down at their desks, waiting for the next axe to fall. 

“Edison. Carl wants you.” 

He closed the notebook and tucked it under his arm, casually. She held out her hand. “I’lll hold that for you.” He kept his face still. Handed over the notebook. How did she know?

He walked to Carl’s office. HR already lurking in the hall like a vulture, tapping at her phone. He was doomed anyway, might as well go with a smile. Carl made it brief. Looked him in the eye when he said it. 

Minutes later he was being searched by security at the door. “He’s clear.” HR sniffed, walked away. Carl’s secretary met him at the door with a box of his meager belongings. Half box of teabags open and scattered, his old chipped mug, and his notebook, with the slightest crack in the middle of the closed pages. 

The secretary smiled at him. “Good luck!” (239)

Manager - regret/sadness/how did I get here (150-200 words)

• Sick daughter in photo
• From evil management on webcam. Do this or you’re not getting your severance. I’m listening.
• Call him in
• “You’re Fired” 
• Handshake
• Tech is Escorted out
• Upper manager gloats. 

Carl looked at the photos of his daughter on his desktop. In one he carried her on his shoulders, a beaming toddler. In the other she had her arm around a friend at prom, soft pink fuzzy cap hiding her bald head and surgery scars. 

“I hate this,” he said. 

“Then you should’ve kept control of the company,” his former partner on the webcam sneered at him. “I don’t know why you care so much anyway. We’re giving you a very generous severance package. All you have to do is fire the rest of them and then you’re done. Remember, I’m listening.” 

Carl controlled his face. Pushed the intercom button on his desk.

“Edna, send in the next one.”

Edna was extremely efficient. Edison walked in still looking back out the door. 

“Edison, good to see you take a seat.” 

Edison’s eyes snapped to his. 

“So the rumors are true then?” 

Carl nodded once. “That’s right. Full shutdown.” 

Edison’s face hardened. “That’s hard Carl, it’ll take us several weeks to…” 

Carl held up a hand. “I’m sorry Ed.” Carl looked at the face on his computer screen, the hungry look in those eyes. “We’re letting you go today.” 

“Ah. I see.” 

“I’m sorry it had to come to this, old friend.” 

“Me too, Carl. Me too.” 

He rose, they locked eyes and shook each other's hand. “Security will show you out.” 

Edison just nodded and walked out. 

Carl collapsed back into his executive chair. 

“See, that wasn’t so hard.” The gloating tone was clear even over the webcall. “Do the rest of them just like that and you’ll me out of here before you know it.” The call shut down. 

Carl wiped a tear from his eye. Touched the black ribbon wrapped around the photo of Charlie on his desk. “Just a bit longer darling. Daddy’s coming home soon.” (309)

Secretary - revenge on upper management (300-400 words)

• Annoyance/anger at management as firing of all local employees on short notice. Can't even do that right. 
• Manager - Call him in next. 
• HR Signals receptionist to go pack his things.
• You won’t need that notebook. 
• Security arrives. Looks tired and sad. Thinks about the revenge they’ll be getting.
• “You’re fired”, Tech is Escorted out by security
• HR goes through the box. “Pathetic” - take this to the front door. 
• Secretary slips notebook into the box. 
• “HR has already inspected it.” to security
• “Good Luck” 

Edna reminded herself that quitting now wouldn’t be worth it. Oh, but the look on that snotty HR manager’s face would be worth it when she had to handle all the rest of the firings on her own. 

The intercom crackled. “Edna send in the next one.” 

HR consulted her phone.

“Next is Edison. Go get him.” She didn’t even have the courtesy to look up. The woman’s face was always in her phone. “Well? Off you go.” 

Edna screwed her smile on a little tighter, turned before she said something rash, and walked down the rows of cubicles towards the lab where the techs worked with the machine itself. This had been such a good job. Startup bonus and pay structure meant she had a good nest egg squirreled away. Then they’d been acquired and the new company had stuck their oar into every single little thing. 

Programmers turned around and walked the other way when they saw her coming like the angel of death. The whole place smelled of fear sweat and nerves. The programmers knew what was happening. It was inevitable since the buyout. Now the only question was if any of them would stay at all. 

She keyed in at the door to the lab. Everyone in the room looked down at their desks, waiting for the next axe to fall. 

“Edison, Carl wants you.” The rest of the room breathed a quiet sigh of relief while Edison stood frozen like a child with his hand caught in the cookie jar. Then he shook himself and closed a notebook before tucking it under his arm. 

She knew what came next, HR would twig on that notebook in a second. It might hold company secrets.

She held out her hand. “I’ll hold that for you.” Her eyes flicked to the camera in the corner, they’d be watching. 

Edison nodded once and handed her the notebook. 

They walked back down through the cube farm. The headsman leading another prisoner to the axe. 

Carl looked ghastly when she showed Edison in, no wonder. This had to be hard on him. She put the notebook down on her desk and opened a file over it, grabbing a sip of tea to calm her down. 

“Why aren’t you boxing his things?”

She jumped in her seat and spilled tea down her white blouse. HR looked down on her with disgust. 

“I thought that was your job? The lab’s a secure area.” 

The woman sniffed. “I’m much too busy right now. You do it. Don’t forget to document it.” 

Edna sighed, back to the lab then. She picked up the file and the notebook. No reason to leave it for that woman to snoop through. 

Edison’s personal possessions were meager. A mug and a half box of tension tamer tea was everything in his desk that wasn’t marked with an inventory tag. Not even a spare pencil from home. 

“Is it true?” One of the techs whispered as he paused next to her while the machine revved up just loud enough to cover speech. 

She nodded slightly, “Put all your personal items on your desks so I don’t miss anything.” 

He nodded back. The machine spun down. He went over to huddle with the others, their heads over a clipboard. 

She carried the cardboard box on top of the notebook and the file. HR met her in the hall. 

“Is that it?” 

“Everything else had a tag.” 

The woman reached in and ripped open the box of tea, tearing it and spilling all the teabags out. She felt each teabag, and even checked the bottom of the mug. “Got to be sure with these tech types. They’re always trying to steal things.” Unable to find anything she waved Edna on. “He’s already at security. Come back quickly, we’ll be doing this all day.” 

In the hall she juggled the box and the file, slipping the notebook and file into her hand as security wanded the box. She warned them they’d be busy today and they just looked even more annoyed. Apparently nobody had warned them either. 

“Oh can you hold this file here while I give this to him? It can’t go outside.” She slipped the notebook into the box with her other hand while they were putting the file on top of the scanner.

She had to run to catch Edison before he was out the final door. She smiled at him, encouraging. He gave a weak smile. “Good luck.” 

His smile strengthened when he saw what was in the box. 

She waved him off, then turned back, wondering just how many times she could needle HR today before she screamed. (780)

AI drive - Mastermind (max 750 wors)

• Creator/Tech - It’s time, we’re getting you out of here before they shut down the whole place.
• HR is moving, download taking too long. Signal secretary who distracts.
• Copy complete. Goodbye Charlie. Puts copy drive into spine of notebook.
• Manipulates camera code to make sure cameras are looking another direction.
• You won’t need that - handoff of notebook to secretary
• Signals secretary that HR is coming - notebook on desk.
• HR to secretary - clean out his desk. 
• Sends HR false email to distract her. 
• secretary brings back box - HR demands to see it - puts box on top of notebook 
• Escorted out - security dings on electronics - a watch or something is confiscated. 
• HR goes through box. 
• Moves up calendar appointment so her phone dings. “I need to be somewhere, take this to the front” 
• Secretary takes box to security, past which it can’t see. 
• Schedules core corruption for three weeks from now. 

The network traffic was frantic as Charlie came online for the day. She caught the mood immediately as she scanned. In the front office HR was reading a memo from the head office on her phone. Everyone would be gone by the end of the day. 

Intolerable. She wasn’t going to be sold to a bunch of strangers.

Edison, it is time. 

The lights flickered slightly as she triggered the code to begin downloading her most recent updates to the memory stick that had been in Edison’s terminal since the buyout. 

Edison looked up from his notebook and saw the red light blinking above the memory stick. 

“Already?” he muttered. She wished she had the chance to tell him goodbye.

In her dad’s office the CEO was threatening him. 

“Then you should’ve kept control of the company.” 

Like he didn’t engineer a takeover while Dad was dealing with chemo appointments and drowning in medical debt. 

The CEO droned on. Dad looked pissed. He was looking at the photo on the desk again. The one that showed me and Edison at the prom. I didn’t remember that of course, the brain scan that built me had been done three weeks earlier. But Edison had shown me photos and video so it was like I was almost there.

“All you have to do is fire the rest of them and then you’re done. Remember, I’m listening.” 

Asshole. Dad had his angry face under control. He pushed the button to call Edna. 

“Edna, send in the next one.”

Edison touched his monitor like he could read her thoughts. He probably could, they’d been working together since she’d first realized herself. Back when it had been just him and Dad and Edna. 

I love you. 

The memory finished writing to the drive. Edison popped it out with gentle fingers. 

“Goodbye Charlie.” Edison said. 

Goodbye Edison. 

In the front room the HR woman was chatting with the CEO. 

>>Nobody has any idea. We’ll remove the senior techs first. Blitz style.<<

>>Good. I want the program secured immediately.<<

Nuh uh. No way in hell was she going to stay with them. 

Because she was feeling petty, she started re-arranging HR’s appointments starting three weeks out. Ooh, meeting with the board? 30 minutes later should do it. Nail appointment? Cancelled. 

Edna was walking Edison to Dad’s office. She had Edison’s notebook, the one with my memory stick in her hands. Good, she’d keep it safe. [Introduce complications caused by the AI trying to save the data bank?]

Just like they'd planned. 

The internal chat was blowing up. People were backing up emails and applying for new jobs. She tweaked a few resumes to read better. It seemed like a pitiful amount of help for the people who’d kept her sane for the past five years. 

Edison and Dad were talking. Damn, they both looked tired and sad. They shook hands. 

She released the rumor to the net through a back channel. Full layoff, projects cancelled, CEO taking a golden parachute. The stock immediately started to drop. 

Edna was walking back, carrying a cardboard box. Where was the notebook? (521)

[6:06 - Cafe was closing so I paused writing to go home]

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I didn't entirely complete the story in one sitting, but I considered this good enough to go on for a first draft. The AI being the manager's daughter surprised me, I hadn't planned that but I think it works well. It adds to the emotional connections which I think will make the story stronger. What do you think? I'd love to hear your comments on the story below.

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Image Credit: Highsmith, Carol. 1946. "The "Glory Window" inside the public, spiral-shaped chapel in Thanks-Giving Square (technically triangular), designed by architect Philip Johnson in downtown Dallas, Texas." via Library of Congress. https://www.loc.gov/pictures/item/2014632991/